Sunday, November 3, 2013

Give or Take? What you see in your home is your example! It doesn't come from a village!


Recently I was watching one of the weekend talk shows on the television.  The “talking heads” were talking about single moms who are taking the benefits provided by this country and continuing to have children so they can get more money from the government.  Many have several children by several fathers and many of the fathers are now in prison.  The talking heads acknowledged this; all of them, liberal and conservative.  They said we need a new way to incentivize the country to get the women to stop having babies.  They didn’t offer a way to accomplish this task but thinking back to my childhood, I think there is a way to do this easily.

When I was 11 years old my father died.  He had been 49 and my mother was 44, and 2 months pregnant with her fifth child.  My oldest sibling was 19 so Mom couldn’t get any survivor children’s benefits for the oldest (too old), and the youngest hadn’t been born.  That meant she would only get benefits for 3 of us until the new baby was born.  Mom had been a “stay-at-home” wife and mother so she was taken to $0 income with the last breath my Father breathed.  We were very fortunate that she had seven brothers that jumped in to help her.  After her fifth daughter was born Mom decided she needed to take every penny she had to go to school to get a degree.  Mom had a blood disease and had been taken out of school two weeks into the 10th grade and put in a hospital.  She wasn’t expected to live.  She spent a year and a half in the hospital and learned to walk again prior to her discharge.  She had to be taken, during the depression, back and forth across Michigan once a month for treatment at the hospital in Ann Arbor, Michigan.  There were no highways at the time.  When she decided to go to school she needed to first take a GED to be able to attend.  She passed and for the next two years she was a college student and a single Mom who hadn’t planned for life to go this way.  Mom graduated at age 47 with a Junior Accounting Degree and went to work to better support her family.

The story of my mother is very important because as I listened to the talking heads last weekend I was amazed that it felt like they were saying women have extra children to stay on welfare rolls and avoid work.  Mom got social security for four children but there is a maximum benefit for children who are survivors of a deceased parent and this amount is still the same today.  The fund still equals what would be for two children.  http://www.ssa.gov/survivorplan/onyourown4.htm   It doesn’t matter how many children you have, the amount of your benefit is the same amount no matter if you have 2 children or 5 children.  It is a maximum benefit and they expect you to divide it by 4 if you have 4 children or 2 if you have 2 children.  When I turned 18 I could have taken my quarter of her check, until I was 22, and headed off to college but I chose to go to work and to support myself because Mom needed the money for my sisters. Perhaps this limit should be used with those receiving benefits just for having more children.  Why can’t there be limits on the amount of support that is given to women who just keep having babies to get more money?  I was told that each child a Mom produces equals more than $900 each month in welfare for housing, the WIC program, food stamps, and Medicaid, not to mention their Obama-phone.  Even if the amount were half of this amount, it is a lot to a household each month.  Do the math yourself and you’ll see how much this is per year yet a husband who breathes their last breath leaves only enough for two children, even if you have four or five.   Why should a parent who has their loving spouse (and father to their children) who was taken through death have a limit on their children’s support but not someone who wants to sit at home having more and more babies so they can get more and more money?  My husband taught in a state prison for many years.  He taught the 13-22 year old convicted felons who were tried as adults by the justice system for the crimes they committed.  Would you be surprised to learn that many young men had several children by several women all before they became an inmate?  One 19 year old had fathered 5 children. These are not fathers to their children, yet they thought that having children made them a man.  They sat in prison unable to have any input into their children’s lives; unable to give them any monetary support at all and yet proud they had “spread their seed”.   They depend on the “Village” that the talking heads said is so important.  It doesn’t take a village to raise a child, it takes a parent who loves their child, who has a child that they wanted, not for monetary gain but because they have a desire to nurture and love the child.  When my Mom became a single Mother,  it was not by choice.  It wasn’t to increase the money brought in to the home.  She had a heart for her girls.  She went to college to provide for her children.  Oh yes, one more thing.  When Mom retired she went back to school to get the one thing she hadn’t received in her younger years, a high school diploma.  She obtained that at age 67 by going to night school.

The talking heads spoke about incentives for single parents.  My mom’s example as a parent was the incentive I needed to live the life I have lived and to have my children with their wonderful father.  I am now in my 60s and can say that even though we had very little money while I was growing up, we always knew we had the best family ever and a mom who loved us more than life itself.  Mom lived to be 91 years old and died in 2008.  What will the children being raised by moms who have no incentives to work give to their children?  Will they be a great example for anything more than breeding more children who think having children is the way to get out of working for the rest of their lives?

I realize others will have their own opinion, and this is America so you are able to express them.  I can only tell you what my Mother’s example has meant to me.  She was amazing!

Tuesday, July 16, 2013

THE END OF AN ERA


Laurence Hanks was founder of Hanks Excavating
A few days ago I received a very sad call that went from bad to worse during the day and evening. First I learned one uncle had passed away and by the end of the day I learned two of my uncles, the last of my Mother’s beloved brothers, passed away just a short time from each other.  The one thing that provides tons of comfort is that my Mom was there to greet them both and love on them. 

Laurence passed away on July 4.  His daughter said this was the same day her sister, Flossie, named after my Grandmother, was hit by a car and died decades ago.  I hear Harold passed away in the Spring but we weren’t notified.  Both of my uncles had children that passed away before them, a very sad thing for each of them.  The last time I saw Uncle Harold  and Uncle Laurence was at our family reunion in Michigan.  Uncle Harold had lost his only son just days prior to the reunion. 

There are so many memories with each of them and the uncles that passed before them.  My Mom had seven brothers.  She used to hold her hands up and name them in order using her fingers.  I don’t know if I could do that anymore.  My Mom’s brothers became our Dads when my Father passed away.  As Jane reminded me this morning, Uncle Laurence and Uncle Milburn did all of the things that Dads do.  They took the littlest of us girls to all the Daughter/ Daddy dances and Uncle Milburn was the Dad who walked me down the aisle to marry my wonderful husband, Mike, just a short 42 years ago.  Uncle Milburn passed away in 2000.  My Mom was 2 months pregnant when my own Dad died and Uncle Harold took me to Pioneer Park with his children for the summer that year.  When Mom still hadn’t had the baby when we were scheduled to go home, he took us to his house and made us part of his family for more time.  I loved them all and could tell stories about each of my uncles.  My Mom was very close to her brother Laurence and spend a month at his home every summer for 20 or more years.  They were good company for each other.  Mom sat and watched baseball with him every night.

Now they are all gone and we are left with only memories.  The memories are so sweet and to relive them is wonderful.  Jane pointed out this morning that we both married men just like a combination of Laurence, Harold and Milburn.  All three were great husbands and fathers and we looked for men just like them.  I hope the heritage they gave us will continue for years to come.

Today I called Muskegon Florist with a strange request for the summer months.  I ordered a Christmas Cactus for the memorial service.  Why a Christmas Cactus in July?  I learned years ago that you stop watering a Christmas Cactus in October and don’t begin watering it again until mid November.  It pretty much dies then you begin to water it again and it blossoms with beautiful blooms in December.  Unless it dies it won’t put forth blooms.  I look back at the years and remember my Grandmother passing in 1974 then my Grandfather in 1977.  I remember the Christmas Day parties when almost all 52 first cousins would get together in Grandma and Grandpa’s house and party Christmas night.  Bob, Laurence, Harold, Ted, Bill (John), Buster (Earl), Milburn and my Mom gave 52 grandchildren to my grandparents and countless great-grandchildren and great-great grandchildren.  Just another piece of trivia as well – my Grandfather married Flossie Garvey and made her a Hanks – His sister, Margaret Hanks, married Earl Garvey, my Grandmother’s brother, and they made us a boatload of double cousins.  What a great family heritage to pass on to our children.  A Christmas Cactus is more and more fitting every minute I write this.  We are a blessed family.
Uncle Laurence, left, and Uncle Harold, right, at the 2011 reunion

I know all of the uncles will be missed at the family reunions which have occurred for several years at the church next to Uncle Laurence’s home.  They were held on the last Sunday of July every year.  I have included a picture of the first reunion held in 1928 in the blog article I wrote April 16, 2012.  I hope you will consider going back in the archives and reading all about our family reunions.  By the way, my baby sister, Mary Lisa, was born July 10, 1962 and went to her first family reunion when she was only a few days old.  Mom wouldn’t let a new baby keep her from one of her favorite days of the year.  I don’t know if we will continue to have a reunions but I sure hope so and I hope every grandchild, great grandchild and great-great grandchild that is living will be there along with all the double cousins.  Let’s party!!!

Monday, April 22, 2013

Getting to know Max


Ho Ho, Max and Holden 
 
We just had the best 5 weeks with our Grandchildren.  Okay, the first two weeks one of us was sick all of the time but once that was over, we had a great time.  In the past I have written about my first job, which was at 14.  The job was to be the Easter Bunny in a local department store, Hardy Herpolsheimers in Muskegon, Michigan.   My husband and our two daughters were also born in Muskegon.  In fact we were all born in the same hospital (on different days and years, of course J)  Jump forward and I hope you remember my post on being married to Santa.  This year I got to tie it all together.


Can you see the family resemblance?
Our 4 year old grandson, Max, has called Mike “Ho Ho” since he learned to talk.  The Christmas before he turned two years old he would run his fingers through Mike’s beard and say “Ho, Ho, Ho”  We believe that is the reason he calls him “Ho Ho”  He is so proud that  his Grandfather is Santa.  He tells people about it every chance he gets.  He now has his own Santa suit and is planning to take over the family business.  Why do I say that?  Because he is always practicing.  During his visit, even though it was Easter, he was all about Santa.   Okay, Santa and pirates and Wreck it Ralph.  When he wore overalls he had to have one of the side shoulder straps left open - the left side just like Wreck it Ralph.  We had a little birthday party for his 4th birthday and he wanted a Pirate “poonyada”.  His Aunt Holly searched and found the “poonyada” and filled it with candy.  But Santa, Santa is his favorite because Santa is his grandpa. 

Max will stand and put one hand on his hip and tap his toe if he thinks he can get his way by giving you “the stare”  One day Aunt Holly asked him why he was always tapping his toe at her.  His reply was “because I’m Ho Ho and YOU are on the naughty list.”  Honest!  He said just those words.  Are you rolling in the isle yet?


Easter 1964
On Easter we were getting ready for the day ahead.  His Mom had wonderful baskets made for all three of the kids.    They were having a nice time checking out the items in the basket when I got an idea.  I got out the old picture of me as the Easter Bunny.   I called Max over and showed him the picture of my sisters and I.  I showed him his Mom’s Aunt Ranae who was 12 at the time.  Also in the picture were his Mom’s Aunt Jane who was 4 and Aunt Lisa who was 2 years old.  Then I asked him where I was.  He looked at the picture and looked at it again.  I asked “Who do you see?”  He went through all of the aunts names and then ended with the Easter Bunny.  I told him that was me (and it truly is me in the costume).  But then I told him my favorite thing – I told him that I used to be the Easter Bunny but when I married Santa I had to give it up and be Mrs. Santa.  I just can’t dress up like Santa because I had been the Easter Bunny.  There was a huge WOW and then you could see his mind working and wondering who in our family will turn out to be the Tooth Fairy.  Could it be his Mom or his Aunt Holly? 

One other special item about Max that doesn’t have anything to do with Santa or the Easter Bunny .  We have a frame we filled for my Mom when she was still living with us to help her remember times gone by. Max always wants to hear about who is in each of the pictures.  There are about 30 pictures in the frame.  One picture has become very special.  It is the picture of my Dad, who’s name was Max, and I.  Holly had told me to ask him who was in the picture.  When I asked he kept saying “Grandpa Me”  I wasn’t getting it at first and then he said “Grandpa’s name was Max, just like me.  He is Grandpa Me”  How sweet is that?

That conversation made my whole month.  I hope you enjoyed hearing about it too.