THE IMPORTANCE OF REMEMBERING

 

A couple of weeks ago I came across a notebook someone had given me several years ago. When I found the notebook and opened it, I had written some things in the front of the book. Let me tell you what I had written in order of what I wrote.

“God can not heal what we shield”

The first seal of the United States depicted the flight of the Israelites leaving Egypt and Ben Franklin proposed the words “Resistance to Tyrants is obedience to God”

“Israel” was the new name God gave to Joseph’s father, Jacob.  It means “wrestle” or “struggle” with God.

The Jews” A second creation Gen. 1:28 instructs all living creatures to “multiply and increase” over all the earth”

God’s first attempt at creating a good world was creating human beings – Cain, Adam and Eve’s first born, killed his brother, Able and more deterioration of humanity followed.

God regretted creating humans in Genesis 6:5-6 – already by chapter 6!

Then God sent the flood and destroyed all mankind except for one Godly man, and his family.  Question: was Noah’s family “Godly” in any verses?

God then game some basic moral laws and principles = they were

1.    No murder

2.    Have children

3.    Don’t consume the blood of any living creature

4.    Every human is created in God’s image – get that line especially – EVERY human

Exodus 1:8 says A new King rose out of Egypt who did not know Joseph.

NOTE: How quickly we forget – Even generation to generation, we forget what God has done for us.  GOD WANTS US TO REMEMBER

The book of Exodus begins with forgetting.  The Pharoah forgetting how a son of Israel (Jacobs new name) Joseph, saved Egypt from famine.

(Exodus 2:24) God hears groaning and complaining of Israel and remembers his covenant.

(Exodus 13:3) Moses leads Israelites out of Egypt and urges they remember this day

(Exodus 20:8) The Israelites are ordered to remember the sabbath day

Who are we without our memories as a family?  As a nation.

I will be honest, I had no idea why I had written down so many things, and what I was thinking at that time. 

There are so many struggles going on in this nation right now.  The ladies in my groups have had huge things going on in their lives, as well, and we have prayed for each other many times. 

Then I went to see the movie “Jesus Revolution.”  Many of us in this room lived during this time.  One leader of Tuesday morning Beautiful was actually part of the Chuck Smith’s church at the time of this revolution. The changes were amazing.  I believe this type of revival is needed again.

A new generation is coming up and they need to hear what God has done for YOU and what you are doing to serving HIM.

Much of what was written in my lost notebook was about REMEMBERING.  What things do we forget and need to remember?

Remember to pray for our family everyday.  Pray that God speaks to them. Grandchildren need to learn that remembering what God has done for them is important.  Share what God has done for you with them so they see and hear about results of prayer.

Remember to tell our children and grandchildren about God. Deuteronomy 11:18 & 19 says “Fix these words of mine in your hearts and minds; tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. Teach them to your children, talking about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.”  Times have changed, but God’s word doesn’t, however, there are other places you can now speak to your children and grandchildren, like when they are in the back seat of your car or when you take them sky diving.

Remember, you can set an alarm in your phone to remind you to pray for your family.  Mine is set at 10:28, and has been for years.  This never interferes with anything else because if you have appointments, they are probably on the hour or half-hour, not on the 28 minute mark.  You don’t even need to label what the reminder is for when you have an odd time.

When someone asks for prayer, remember to stop what you are doing and pray immediately so you won’t forget.  If it was a call, pray with them on the phone.  Then, set a reminder in your phone for a time like 9:28 in the evening to pray for all of the requests you have been asked for that day.  About 18 months ago I returned to Moffitt for a couple of months to assist a director while she looked for anew admin.  I knew she was a Christian and one day she mentioned a new job she knew would be opening within the next year.  She was nearly finished with her PhD in nursing and she really wanted this job.  That was when I prayed for her in the office, which we began doing EVERY day, and I put the 9:28 reminder in my phone and she did in her phone, as well.  She would know that at 9:28 every evening she would know we could pray together for the new job.  On February 1 she took over the job.  I am still keeping that reminder in my phone for 9:28 in the evening to pray for all of the requests that have been texted for that day.  When I say I keep them in my phone, that is correct, but they buzz my watch to remind me to pray. 

Remember, remember, remember all God has done for YOU.  How did these things happen?  Because others were praying for you.  We all need each other to survive.

Prosecutors and Judges – Do Your Job and let the Police Do Their Job

                               A Different Look at Police Reform

We all heard about the 92-year-old woman in New York who had been hit in the face by a man walking past her, who pushed her to the ground where she hit her head on a fire hydrant.  The story tells about how the 31-year-old man had been arrested 103 times.  Really, 103 times and not in jail?  He is 31 years old.  What makes a repeat offender allowed to still be on the street?

Parents sometimes believe their children can’t do any wrong.  Parents think Johnny is a good boy and he wouldn’t do anything bad.  I remember when my mother called the police because a child several doors down had stolen my sister’s bicycle.  The police took my mother to the house and the little girl (about 10 years old) came to the door and confessed that she had taken it and where to find the bike.  Then the mother came to the door and asked what the police were there for.  The officer told the mother who got very upset because her child would never steal anything.  The officer must have made her confess.  The officer told her she had even told him where to find the bike.  The mother then told him her daughter was mistaken to give the information because she couldn’t possibly know where the bicycle was.  Guess where the officer found the bicycle? Right where the girl said it would be.  This took place in the 70’s. 

Fast forward 30 years to when my husband was teaching Special Ed in the State Prison system.  He had a student whose father was notorious in our area.  He set 18 people on fire and 5 died.  When he was talking to my husband about his crime he said he had stolen wooden pallets and returned them to the pallet companies for the deposit money.  When asked if he was caught he said he was, and he always had to pay a fine.  Well, how did he get the money to pay the fine?  “I worked the fine into my overhead,” he said.  What he didn’t know was that after 24 times of paying a fine, he would need to do prison time.  Luckily he was put in school during his time in prison so he could get his GED.  He had hopes of going to college.    He was a smart kid, according to my husband.  He was advised to never hang out with the people who helped him with the thefts and to find a new group of friends when he got out.

The point of this is to tell you that all parents think the best of their kids.  Thinking the best is part of love and parenting.  As parents, we also want our children to learn there are consequences to their actions.  It isn’t easy to discipline our own children because we love them.  Our children have the free will to keep running in the wrong circles, to misbehave, etc.  As parents, we don’t want anything bad to happen to them and certainly we don’t want to write a letter for our Christmas Cards that tell friends we have one child in State Prison.  How sad is that? 

There are other things that come before prison and that is where there is a break down.  Judges saw the young man who was stealing wooden pallets.  Perhaps they should let him pay a fine and give him the opportunity to change his ways.  That would be great for the first time, maybe, but he went before a judge 23 times without consequences other than paying a fine, which he worked into his overhead.  Judges have lots of tools at their fingertips other than sending a child home with a monetary fine, just to commit another crime.  A Judge was put in place to hear a case, look at the past history and then act IMPARTIALLY.  Let the parents love their children but judges need to bring the child to the harsh realization of their actions much earlier.  You are above the parents, not equal to the parents.  You are not the one obligated to love them, you are the one who is obligated to assist in putting them back on the right track.  The parents are charged with loving them.  Don’t let their love of the child “who would never do anything wrong” be what influences your consequences for this youth.  You were put in your position so the youth, male or female, will learn early on there are consequences to your actions.

One of my husband’s students was 17 and the boy was obnoxious in the classroom.  My husband had used the term “young man” when he spoke to him.  The student said “I am a man, I am a father of three children.”  His response to the young man somewhat shocked him into reality.  He let him know that he was a “sperm donor” who was in prison.  It takes more than that to be a Father.  He is in prison and not playing a part in their lives.  These three children may have a Father if Prosecutors and Judges did their job toward making these youth into great parents themselves and gave consequences the first time they were in front of them.

The color of your skin should not matter when it comes to discipline.  We all come from the same two people God put on this earth.  We have all the same organs, blood vessels and lymph nodes in the same place.  Color of your skin is NOT an excuse. The examples above were 75% white children and only one black person.  The guy in New York was the only black person.  Prosecutors and Judges, don’t look at the color of skin, look at the crime and past record.  Think about the best question you could ever ask yourself – “Is this the punishment that should be given in light of their past crimes, the crime they are there for now, and how can it lead to a stable life with hopes and dreams for a stable future?”  Help make their parents and grandparents proud. People blame the police for everything but this would be the best reform, for Prosecutors and Judges to do their job!  

When parents don't do their job of teaching right from wrong, someone MUST teach them right from wrong and it begins with you.  Again, it has no bearing on the color of your skin but as was said by Martin Luther King "I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by content of their character.”  Parents, give your children a better character, something you can change.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                   

SYNERGY AND THE BEATLES

Lately I keep hearing that women are following what their husbands tell them to do as far as voting and which side of the political fence they should be on.  This is a bunch of “bull hockey pucks”.  For years women have been told they don’t need men.  They can make it on their own.  When I married in 1971, it was at the height of the feminist ERA movement.  I was told daily I don’t need a man, I can make it on my own.  The first 5 years of my marriage were horrible, and it was because I believed this and let my fabulous husband know I could make it without him every time we disagreed.  There were lots of ploys I took at letting him know I could make it on my own.  Then we had a fabulous baby girl.  I loved being a mother.  My father had died when I was 11 and my mother had 4 girls and was 2 months pregnant with her 5th daughter.  When my Dad died, it eliminated a male figure from our home and few memories of my parents together.  I didn’t get to see the love continue to develop between the two of them as they worked together to nurture a family as they grew older.  Divorce wasn’t as prevalent as it is now.   

 Why does this matter?  I believe it matters because if you don’t see LOVE in the home and hear it from both parents, you don’t have a good role model and you will fall for anything that others put out there.  Like the ERA and “you don’t need a man”.  After our daughter was born, I wanted another baby.  I had been a workaholic since I was 14 years old when I got my first job as the Easter Bunny in our town’s premiere department store.  I was able to stay home and take care of our daughter, another thing that went against what I was being told.  After miscarrying twice for a second child, having a second baby was a goal.  The doctor told me we I would be very fertile in a month and try and we would be parents again in 9 months.  I was so excited.  My fabulous husband wouldn’t come anywhere near me.  I cried for several days and then sat down and talked to him.  He told me that I had let him know for several years that I didn’t need him.  He knew he would lose one child if I followed through, but he wasn’t about to lose two babies.  I was shocked!  I would have never left him because I truly loved him. 

 Ladies, our words do matter.  Our children hear our words to them and our spouses are crushed or built up by our words.  I know this is reverse of what you are being told right now but how many families could be saved by women just tempering their words and letting their love for their husbands and children show through?  Making a choice to stay married and in love every day is a decision we make every day when we wake up.  What are we teaching our sons and daughters when we diminish the man in our homes in front of our children?  Diminishing the man in our homes crosses racial barriers and is not limited to one race or another.  Don’t build yourself up to tear down someone else.

 A few years ago, I heard a friend speak about synergy.  He loves the guitar and had a large book of the music written by the Beatles.  What I remembered when I got an article about the Beatles from my friend in England while having my appendix out in 1962 and recuperating. The Beatles are remembered fondly by all ages today.  Did you know they were only together until 1970? Paul McCartney filed to dissolve the partnership in 1970.  The book of Beatle music my friend had was very thick.  They had written tons of songs together that will endure for many generations.  On the other hand, he showed the books of solo writings by each of the Beatles.  They didn’t come anywhere near the work they had done together as the Beatles in such a short time.  Synergy is defined in the dictionary is working together toward a common goal.  When my husband told me he would never lose two babies, I realized how important it is to work toward our family goal as husband and wife.  OUR FAMILY goals, not the women who are telling us what to think or believe.  Not the fighting sides of the aisle in congress who are more worried about getting re-elected or gathering power by being the top dog of their party but working together for the good of THIS NATION, not themselves.

The Declaration of Independence guarantees us “Life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness” it does not guarantee happiness.  It takes more than the words on the declaration to turn our nation around.  It takes people understanding that we need to work together in synergy, not individuals, to change our nation.  Do you think the Beatles agreed with each other with every line they each proposed for a song?  I doubt it.  I think they worked together to make a song work and the lyrics just right to grab those listening to their music.  When we come together with ideas or proposals, we need to come to the table thinking about how our ideas COULD be made better by listening to others. We need to work in synergy for our nation.  The parties need to work together to make our nation better for the people of THIS country.  Do your job, come together in synergy and work together with the other side of the aisle for the good of the CITIZENS of THIS COUNTRY.  They are the ones YOU were HIRED to serve.  There was an election where the American people HIRED you so SERVE us, not to act on your own or to Lord if over anyone, including the President of the United States of America to serve yourself and how YOU want to get ahead.  Remember, WE pay your salary.  Now go earn it by working together for OUR common good.

What is your all time favorite Christmas Gift?

First of all, my parents gave one special gift each Christmas, and then clothes and such.  I loved getting new patent leather shoes just before Christmas.  I loved the smell of these new shoes and always slept with my shoes next to my pillow for a few nights. 

My first favorite gift was a marionette doll.  I was about 7 years old and it was all I dreamed about that year.  My doll was so cute.  I loved making him walk and, with time, became very good at it. The only problem I had was a younger sister, who didn’t see value in the doll because it wasn’t her wish, and she got the strings tangled all of the time.  I remember my father painstakingly unknotting the strings over and over.

My second favorite gift was in 5^th grade when I got a chemistry set.  I wanted that so bad I just knew that my parents would think it was frivolous and why would I need or want it, but they got it for me because it was my one Christmas wish.  I got up Christmas morning and felt the wrapped gifts until I found the one that was in three parts with a clasp.  Yup, it was under the tree.  I had to wait patiently for that gift to be passed out.  We opened one gift at a time and then moved on to the next person and the gift they would open.  To be honest, this gift was the last one I received from both parents as my father died before the next Christmas.  This isn’t the reason it is on the list as it truly was one of my favorites but probably the reason I loved it and remember it so dearly.

My third favorite gift was the opal ring I got from my husband, Mike, the year we got married.  He knew I am not a patient person and I was known to cut the tape on gifts to see what was in them and then tape them exactly with new tape so no one would know.  We had a white Christmas tree with gold balls on it our first Christmas as seen in the picture with this blog, and he wrapped the small gift in gold paper and put it in the center of the tree.  I never found it!  He gave it to me Christmas morning and was delighted he was able to actually surprise me.

My fourth favorite gift was also from Mike.  I was pregnant and my grandmother had passed away in October and my Mom and 2 sisters were flying to Alaska to visit my older sister for Christmas.  My grandfather was going to Florida with my Aunt and Uncle so there wouldn’t be anyone home to have Christmas with that year.  Even Mike’s parents were going to his sister’s house in Minnesota.  We decided not to put up a tree since I was 8 months pregnant.  Mike worked at night at the newspaper and got home about 4 a.m.  When I got up in the morning he had purchased a new tree, got new ornaments (you guessed it – gold again) and got colored lights and had the tree all decorated in the living room when I walked out from our bedroom.  What a wonderful surprise.

I have one more really special Christmas gift that I received.  Mike was a hunter and every year he grew his beard out for the hunting season.  If you are from Michigan you have seen the signs around that say “Think SNOW” coming into deer season.  The men grew beards for “deer season.”  Even the newspaper we worked at had signs throughout saying “Think SNOW” as it was also full of hunters like Mike and his Dad. If you don’t know what this sign means, then you aren’t a hunter and not from a northern state.  The season was only two weeks long and the beard was to be shaven after December 1^st.  It didn’t happen this particular year.  On Christmas morning I woke up to a baggie, tied with a red bow to match its contents – Mike’s red beard hair.  I think it is now my favorite Christmas gift memory even though I love his gray beard now as he is SANTA!

By the way, immediately after deer season the signs changed to “Think GREEN!” as we put up with snow every year in the winter but truly look forward to spring and the green grass and trees full of beautiful leaves.

We don’t need a lot of gifts, we need a lot of memories that last for years to come.  Family dinners and time with loved ones making yearly memories.   Did you receive tons of gifts or one great gift like I did as a kid?  What is your favorite Christmas gift memory?  I would love to hear my sister's favorite gifts, too.

I have a guest blogger for this issue….my husband, Michael Jaunese.  Please enjoy.

 

THE IMPORTANCE OF HISTORY, GOOD, BAD, OR OTHERWISE

As we, once again, approach the anniversary of one of the most significant dates in our history; let me relate a story of a young lady, seventeen years of age, and the impact learning of it had on her.

As the thirty-fifth anniversary was approaching, a documentary aired on television. This young lady sat, transfixed, on the floor in front of the television. She would not turn her gaze from the television because her tears were streaming down her face and onto the floor where she was sitting.

After the documentary concluded, without saying a word, she went to the kitchen table, took out pen and paper, and began to write. Her thoughts became written words, and those written words mingled with the tears that stained the paper upon which they were written.

She said, “I know that you told me what conditions were like at that time, but I simply could not believe that what you were saying could possibly be true.”

When I had the opportunity to read her words, I, too, was moved to tears.

Here is what she wrote, and the simple title that prompts the readers to research for themselves what brought out such emotions.

 September 25, 1957©

 The words are dark,

Rapid, relentless.
They come from all around.
They stab; they gash.

They dissolve pride with the power of acid.

Simple words
Evil words
The speakers have no shame;
No remorse.

They belittle, torment, and damn.

They don’t see the wrong.
Words alone have no physical repercussion.
Instead, they kill from the inside out.
Their ignorance is the padlock on their minds,
And they alone hold the key that can open it.

The wounded suffer in silence.

Instructed not to respond
and never to look back.

The tears come in private
Falling like endless summer rain;
Streaming down cheeks
And washing over their hearts
giving them the strength to face another day.

Another day of the same immeasurable hell

While all the while their heart and soul cries out, “Why?
Why must it be this way?
Why can’t they see me with their hearts and not their eyes?”

They were pioneers.

They paid a price I will never truly be able to fathom
For a reward they have never truly received.

                                                                                                            —Holly Jaunese

As the father of this remarkable young lady, I cannot be more proud of the importance that she has placed on our history, as a country, and how it has shaped and molded her into the woman she has become.

 

 

 

 

 

Her words honor the following nine individuals:

Ernest Green (b. 1941), Elizabeth Eckford (b. 1941), Jefferson Thomas (1942–2010), Terrence Roberts (b. 1941), Carlotta Walls LaNier (b. 1942), Minnijean Brown (b. 1941), Gloria Ray Karlmark (b. 1942), Thelma Mothershed (b. 1940), and Melba Pattillo Beals (b. 1941).

To learn more about the Little Rock Nine: https://www.arkansas.com/attractions/central-high/

All Children Are Special

Mike and I were at an awards ceremony last year where Mike was a nominee for an award because of all of the work he has done with his special needs student, Taylor.  There were 458 nominations, each working to make the students excel as much as possible.  The most forgotten people in this celebration were the parents.  We have several friends who have children with special needs, not just Taylor, and in EVERY case the parents are exceptional.  I read a story a few years ago, and it stuck with me, about parents of special needs children.  It used the analogy of planning a vacation to Italy.  You have invested time and effort getting ready for your trip and after you get on the plane, you are taken to Germany.  You are unprepared and it isn’t what you were planning.  When you deplane, you find you are in Germany and look around.  At first you may be disgruntled but then you begin to see the beauty of where you are.  The differences are many but they are also few.  God made both places for their beauty. 

When I see Janet, Taylor’s Mom, I see a woman who is unaware of any differences.  She is Taylor’s Mom and helps him to see himself the same as everyone else.  My favorite line from Taylor is “So handsome.”  He can’t pass a place where he can see his reflection (a mirror, a window, a toaster) without saying “So handsome.”  His Mom has instilled that in him.  The Special Needs Department at Gaither integrates all of the students together by having “Best Buddies.”  Mike tells me almost daily about stopping to take a picture of a young lady and Taylor together.  He always tells them “big smile” when he is asking for a picture with them.  Taylor LOVES Dr. Pepper and Mike tries to supply them for him when he has been really good.  Is Taylor a piece of cake?  No, he is challenging but you can’t help but love him. 

A year has now passed since Taylor walked across the stage to receive his diploma and moved on to a new center to learn more items that most of our children learned years ago.  Mike still is asked to occasionally pick Taylor up from his new center because his Mom will be late.  Mike looks forward to these days and always plans to take Taylor to Steak and Shake. They get a burger with French fries.  Taylor eats all of his fries and then eats all of Mike’s fries.  We love it when our grandson is visiting and he has the opportunity to join them.  Our daughters have both had the opportunity to meet and enjoy Janet and Taylor.  They are such special people.  One thing I never wonder about with Taylor – Taylor loves Jesus.  His Mother has taught him well.  He reminds Janet over and over how much Jesus loves all of us.  And I don’t mean in his smile – I mean he tells his Mom how much Jesus loves us. 

Each of our friends with special children have found the beauty in the child God blessed them with and has worked hard to help other parents find the beauty in their children with special needs and this is really the best part of children.  Psalms 127:3 says “Children are a heritage of the Lord, offspring a reward from him.”  God says “CHILDREN”.  All Children are special.  Yes, some have special needs but some have special talents.  Both Taylor and Dominique have talents beyond others in showing love, excitement, thankfulness, and much more.  Many parents have other children who are being taught the beauty in their brother and sister with special needs.  Another family friend has a beautiful daughter, Dominique, and two sons.  The boys are constantly putting little things on Facebook about how they are spending time with their “favorite girl”.  We have run into their family at dinner in a favorite restaurant.  She is loved and so special to her Mom, Dad and both brothers.  And we love it every time we have the opportunity to see her.  Dominique’s Mom shared what God had told her “On our journey with Dominique that in His eyes she is perfect and not lacking of anything. In fact He told me to see her through His eyes so that I would not miss out on the precious moments we can spend with her. I once was so focused on the things she should learn or improve on.” 

 Last year Mike had the opportunity to be with both Taylor and Dominique as Santa.  It is amazing that neither Dominique nor Taylor see Mike as anything less than Santa when they see him at Christmas; they never see him as their “Mr. Mike.”  Join with our family in seeing the wonder in EVERY child – they are all made by HIM.

My intent was to post pictures of both Taylor and Dominique but I am having trouble making it work.  I have done this so many times but after two weeks of trying, I am giving up and posting the blog without the pictures.

Give Thanks - Be Grateful!

My husband and I were having breakfast this morning.  We sat and talked about this weeks Thanksgiving dinner and how much we are going to miss our grandchildren.  Christmas is only a few weeks away but these next few weeks will be so busy.  When you are married to Santa, this holiday takes on a life of its own.  We try to ALWAYS keep in mind what Christmas is truly celebrating – the birth of our savior, Jesus Christ. 

As we were enjoying our breakfast, someone else not far from us began sharing about their experience of giving to help someone else at Christmas.  They own a restaurant and feel that people are not truly grateful for the helping hand, they tend to EXPECT it.  She went on to tell about feeling like they wanted to take care of the gifts for a certain family yet when they took their gifts for the child that wanted something very expensive and very special, they were told “we already got him that, perhaps you can return it.”  Seriously, are people so ENTITLED any more that they don’t know how to be thankful that someone else has gone out of their way to bless them. 

Last spring I was talking to someone from a food bank.  People come to the food bank and they can take anything they want from the shelves to feed their family.  She related that people want to have “Organic” on the label and many have left without anything because they didn't have what they wanted.  "Can’t they have a gift card to Whole Foods," if sometimes asked?  I am serious when I say I am totally blown away by the way people behave anymore.  We needed to take advantage of food stamps for a short time when our girls were little.  Mike's brother asked him how he could "lower" himself to accepting food stamps.  I remember this as if it were yesterday.  Mike said "when all you  have left to feed your family is pride, you get help."  We were so grateful for the help.  We spent our food stamps on ground beef and turkey, which were the cheapest at the time. My brother-in-law filled our freezer with venison. Now people want to "shoot" a hunter who is providing food for his family table.  God provided incredible gifts to us.

I have watched the videos, like everyone else, about the two women lately in two different states that panhandle by the road with their sweet children playing beside them and then at the end of the day they get inside of the BMW and drive off to their gated condo.  What is with people today?  It makes my blood boil, as I am certain it does yours. 

I realize, however, I am not responsible for any of these ungrateful people.  That same savior that is the reason for celebrating this Christmas will sit at the right hand of his Father someday and will examine the heart of each of these people.  I will not be responsible for what their heart reveals.  I am only responsible for MY actions.  My prayer - Lord, may I always be grateful for everything you bring my way.  May I always remember – you are my source.  You are my provider.  If you provide through someone else, may I always remember to say thank you and realize that you have used them to bless me.  How do you feel about this?  Please post your comments.

Modesty - what we do impacts others

I had a conversation with the most wonderful Orthodox Jewish man from New York a while ago at an educational conference.     Aron is Glatt Kosher so he brings all of his own food to conferences.  He always wears a prayer shawl and the traditional covering for his head, a yarmulke,  plus he has a beard that is quite long (check Leviticus regarding beards).  He is a speech pathologist interested in swallowing in New York.  My daughter, Holly, and I came away from our meeting with him in awe of all that we learned.  One item really stood out in my mind and I would like to share it with you.  I had never really thought about this subject in this way before.

Aron, our new friend, told us about a meeting that the Jewish community is having at a stadium that coming summer.  The community is spending a large sum of money to build a wall in the middle of the stadium so the men can worship on one side and the women on the other side.  That fits the tradition of the Jewish church but not the way of the world today.  I never really understood this tradition so Aron went on to explain the tradition to me. He told us the obvious; that men and women are different physically, our thought processes are different and we are different in emotional states and psychology.  He said men are easily distracted by women.  Imagine that!  When he goes into prayer he said the last thing he needs is a beautiful woman distracting him from his time with God in prayer.  I had never thought about this. Prayer is our opportunity to be our true self.  An opportunity to talk to God without distraction; to have a relationship with God.   I was a teenager in the 60’s when the first mini skirts came around.  The ladies in the church I grew up in had fits when young girls were wearing such short skirts to church.  I never understood this and thought they should move into the times!  You may be thinking the same thing right now.  Does moving into the times run true to scripture.

Here we are many years later and clothing has gotten skimpier and women are showing off much more than a short skirt in church.  Not just teenagers but their Mothers too.   I have never been offended by people wearing more casual clothes to church, in fact I like it myself, but I never thought about how what someone wears might distract someone else from entering into God’s presence in worship.  As a mother to two daughters I can only speak about what I felt about the clothing of our girls.  At church, at school or out to a party, we believed our girls should be “modest” in their clothing.

Daddies sometimes don’t want to rock the boat when it comes to their girls and will allow them to pick out clothes that make them look far more grown up than they are.  Moms will do that too, but they add to it the fact that they want their daughters to be their “friend” – they don’t want their daughters to think of them as a MOM.  Of course God’s word teaches us that we are to be more like Him each day and be an example to our children.  You’ve read that, right?

Our oldest was a prime example of a Daddy letting his little girl pick out an outfit that she wanted and he didn’t want to say “no”.  The outfit came from the store UNITS, which had beautiful clothes but also had some that were more progressive, or what I would call barely there.  Daddy had taken her to the mall where she was going to buy an outfit with her own money.  She and I had talked about the “skimpy” side of the clothes at this store.  One of their pieces could be worn as a skirt or over your breasts.  You could even get two of these “bandeaus” together and make an outfit and that is just what she did.  When I got home she came out of her room and showed me her new outfit.  I was in a state of shock that my husband had let her spend money on this outfit.  She told me that her Daddy said she looked really cute in the outfit.  I was certain she had misunderstood so we agreed that I would stay out of sight when he got home so he couldn’t be influenced by me when he saw the new outfit on her at home.  We agreed there would be two questions asked.  The first was “Dad, how do you like this outfit on me?”  Just as expected, he said you look very cute.  She then asked the second question “Where may I wear it?”  His reply was startling for her when he answered “Not one step outside this house.”  Sometimes we are so busy trying to be our child’s friend, or trying not to rock the boat, that we miss teaching them a valuable lesson.  Mommy’s, do you remember how your hormones acted when you were a teenager?  How about Daddy’s hormones?  How were they?  What did the guys dwell on in their mind 24 hours a day?  Do we need to spell it out for each other?  I don’t think so.

Are you a Mommy that would cause someone else to be distracted in a worship service?  How low is the front of your dress cut?  How short is the skirt?  I know we are in the year 2014 but when you think about it, does the year have anything to do with what is “modest”?  We are so easily distracted from God’s word in 2014.  We have books, TV shows, movies, music and a myriad of other distractions on a daily basis.  When we are in church; when we are in our time of worship; when we are witnessing to others – what is the most important thing?  My answer would be the concentration on God, not what the person next to you or across the room is wearing.  Could what you are wearing be a distraction to someone around you?

God instructs us how to teach our children.  He expects us to be parents, not friends.  He is explicit in how frequently we are to talk to our children about God and his promises.  God’s promises come with a “if you do this I will do this for you.”  Our children need to know this about His word.  God says in Deuteronomy 11:18-19 that we are to “Fix these words of mine in your hearts and minds; tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads.  Teach them to your children, talking about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.  Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates, so that your days and the days of your children may be in the land the Lord swore to give your ancestors, as many as the days that the heavens are above the earth.”  Awesome responsibility!

Can we really dress the way we want to dress?  Absolutely!  Our days are filled with choices we make on our own.    Just keep in mind that I Corinthians 8:9 says “Be careful, however, that the exercise of your rights does not become a stumbling block to the weak.”  Let’s take it one step further – is what you are wearing showing the light of God within you, or is it showing so much skin that your witness can’t be heard because ears are easily distracted by eyes?

Do I care what you wear?  Not at all.  I am another woman and not distracted by your clothes.  Can a guy be distracted by what you are wearing?  Absolutely!   Are there things you could, or should, change?

Give or Take? What you see in your home is your example! It doesn't come from a village!

Recently I was watching one of the weekend talk shows on the television.  The “talking heads” were talking about single moms who are taking the benefits provided by this country and continuing to have children so they can get more money from the government.  Many have several children by several fathers and many of the fathers are now in prison.  The talking heads acknowledged this; all of them, liberal and conservative.  They said we need a new way to incentivize the country to get the women to stop having babies.  They didn’t offer a way to accomplish this task but thinking back to my childhood, I think there is a way to do this easily.

When I was 11 years old my father died.  He had been 49 and my mother was 44, and 2 months pregnant with her fifth child.  My oldest sibling was 19 so Mom couldn’t get any survivor children’s benefits for the oldest (too old), and the youngest hadn’t been born.  That meant she would only get benefits for 3 of us until the new baby was born.  Mom had been a “stay-at-home” wife and mother so she was taken to $0 income with the last breath my Father breathed.  We were very fortunate that she had seven brothers that jumped in to help her.  After her fifth daughter was born Mom decided she needed to take every penny she had to go to school to get a degree.  Mom had a blood disease and had been taken out of school two weeks into the 10^th grade and put in a hospital.  She wasn’t expected to live.  She spent a year and a half in the hospital and learned to walk again prior to her discharge.  She had to be taken, during the depression, back and forth across Michigan once a month for treatment at the hospital in Ann Arbor, Michigan.  There were no highways at the time.  When she decided to go to school she needed to first take a GED to be able to attend.  She passed and for the next two years she was a college student and a single Mom who hadn’t planned for life to go this way.  Mom graduated at age 47 with a Junior Accounting Degree and went to work to better support her family.

The story of my mother is very important because as I listened to the talking heads last weekend I was amazed that it felt like they were saying women have extra children to stay on welfare rolls and avoid work.  Mom got social security for four children but there is a maximum benefit for children who are survivors of a deceased parent and this amount is still the same today.  The fund still equals what would be for two children.  http://www.ssa.gov/survivorplan/onyourown4.htm   It doesn’t matter how many children you have, the amount of your benefit is the same amount no matter if you have 2 children or 5 children.  It is a maximum benefit and they expect you to divide it by 4 if you have 4 children or 2 if you have 2 children.  When I turned 18 I could have taken my quarter of her check, until I was 22, and headed off to college but I chose to go to work and to support myself because Mom needed the money for my sisters. Perhaps this limit should be used with those receiving benefits just for having more children.  Why can’t there be limits on the amount of support that is given to women who just keep having babies to get more money?  I was told that each child a Mom produces equals more than $900 each month in welfare for housing, the WIC program, food stamps, and Medicaid, not to mention their Obama-phone.  Even if the amount were half of this amount, it is a lot to a household each month.  Do the math yourself and you’ll see how much this is per year yet a husband who breathes their last breath leaves only enough for two children, even if you have four or five.   Why should a parent who has their loving spouse (and father to their children) who was taken through death have a limit on their children’s support but not someone who wants to sit at home having more and more babies so they can get more and more money?  My husband taught in a state prison for many years.  He taught the 13-22 year old convicted felons who were tried as adults by the justice system for the crimes they committed.  Would you be surprised to learn that many young men had several children by several women all before they became an inmate?  One 19 year old had fathered 5 children. These are not fathers to their children, yet they thought that having children made them a man.  They sat in prison unable to have any input into their children’s lives; unable to give them any monetary support at all and yet proud they had “spread their seed”.   They depend on the “Village” that the talking heads said is so important.  It doesn’t take a village to raise a child, it takes a parent who loves their child, who has a child that they wanted, not for monetary gain but because they have a desire to nurture and love the child.  When my Mom became a single Mother,  it was not by choice.  It wasn’t to increase the money brought in to the home.  She had a heart for her girls.  She went to college to provide for her children.  Oh yes, one more thing.  When Mom retired she went back to school to get the one thing she hadn’t received in her younger years, a high school diploma.  She obtained that at age 67 by going to night school.

The talking heads spoke about incentives for single parents.  My mom’s example as a parent was the incentive I needed to live the life I have lived and to have my children with their wonderful father.  I am now in my 60s and can say that even though we had very little money while I was growing up, we always knew we had the best family ever and a mom who loved us more than life itself.  Mom lived to be 91 years old and died in 2008.  What will the children being raised by moms who have no incentives to work give to their children?  Will they be a great example for anything more than breeding more children who think having children is the way to get out of working for the rest of their lives?

I realize others will have their own opinion, and this is America so you are able to express them.  I can only tell you what my Mother’s example has meant to me.  She was amazing!