Monday, February 24, 2014

Modesty - what we do impacts others


I had a conversation with the most wonderful Orthodox Jewish man from New York a while ago at an educational conference.     Aron is Glatt Kosher so he brings all of his own food to conferences.  He always wears a prayer shawl and the traditional covering for his head, a yarmulke,  plus he has a beard that is quite long (check Leviticus regarding beards).  He is a speech pathologist interested in swallowing in New York.  My daughter, Holly, and I came away from our meeting with him in awe of all that we learned.  One item really stood out in my mind and I would like to share it with you.  I had never really thought about this subject in this way before.

Aron, our new friend, told us about a meeting that the Jewish community is having at a stadium that coming summer.  The community is spending a large sum of money to build a wall in the middle of the stadium so the men can worship on one side and the women on the other side.  That fits the tradition of the Jewish church but not the way of the world today.  I never really understood this tradition so Aron went on to explain the tradition to me. He told us the obvious; that men and women are different physically, our thought processes are different and we are different in emotional states and psychology.  He said men are easily distracted by women.  Imagine that!  When he goes into prayer he said the last thing he needs is a beautiful woman distracting him from his time with God in prayer.  I had never thought about this. Prayer is our opportunity to be our true self.  An opportunity to talk to God without distraction; to have a relationship with God.   I was a teenager in the 60’s when the first mini skirts came around.  The ladies in the church I grew up in had fits when young girls were wearing such short skirts to church.  I never understood this and thought they should move into the times!  You may be thinking the same thing right now.  Does moving into the times run true to scripture.

Here we are many years later and clothing has gotten skimpier and women are showing off much more than a short skirt in church.  Not just teenagers but their Mothers too.   I have never been offended by people wearing more casual clothes to church, in fact I like it myself, but I never thought about how what someone wears might distract someone else from entering into God’s presence in worship.  As a mother to two daughters I can only speak about what I felt about the clothing of our girls.  At church, at school or out to a party, we believed our girls should be “modest” in their clothing.

Daddies sometimes don’t want to rock the boat when it comes to their girls and will allow them to pick out clothes that make them look far more grown up than they are.  Moms will do that too, but they add to it the fact that they want their daughters to be their “friend” – they don’t want their daughters to think of them as a MOM.  Of course God’s word teaches us that we are to be more like Him each day and be an example to our children.  You’ve read that, right?

Our oldest was a prime example of a Daddy letting his little girl pick out an outfit that she wanted and he didn’t want to say “no”.  The outfit came from the store UNITS, which had beautiful clothes but also had some that were more progressive, or what I would call barely there.  Daddy had taken her to the mall where she was going to buy an outfit with her own money.  She and I had talked about the “skimpy” side of the clothes at this store.  One of their pieces could be worn as a skirt or over your breasts.  You could even get two of these “bandeaus” together and make an outfit and that is just what she did.  When I got home she came out of her room and showed me her new outfit.  I was in a state of shock that my husband had let her spend money on this outfit.  She told me that her Daddy said she looked really cute in the outfit.  I was certain she had misunderstood so we agreed that I would stay out of sight when he got home so he couldn’t be influenced by me when he saw the new outfit on her at home.  We agreed there would be two questions asked.  The first was “Dad, how do you like this outfit on me?”  Just as expected, he said you look very cute.  She then asked the second question “Where may I wear it?”  His reply was startling for her when he answered “Not one step outside this house.”  Sometimes we are so busy trying to be our child’s friend, or trying not to rock the boat, that we miss teaching them a valuable lesson.  Mommy’s, do you remember how your hormones acted when you were a teenager?  How about Daddy’s hormones?  How were they?  What did the guys dwell on in their mind 24 hours a day?  Do we need to spell it out for each other?  I don’t think so.

Are you a Mommy that would cause someone else to be distracted in a worship service?  How low is the front of your dress cut?  How short is the skirt?  I know we are in the year 2014 but when you think about it, does the year have anything to do with what is “modest”?  We are so easily distracted from God’s word in 2014.  We have books, TV shows, movies, music and a myriad of other distractions on a daily basis.  When we are in church; when we are in our time of worship; when we are witnessing to others – what is the most important thing?  My answer would be the concentration on God, not what the person next to you or across the room is wearing.  Could what you are wearing be a distraction to someone around you?

God instructs us how to teach our children.  He expects us to be parents, not friends.  He is explicit in how frequently we are to talk to our children about God and his promises.  God’s promises come with a “if you do this I will do this for you.”  Our children need to know this about His word.  God says in Deuteronomy 11:18-19 that we are to “Fix these words of mine in your hearts and minds; tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads.  Teach them to your children, talking about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.  Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates, so that your days and the days of your children may be in the land the Lord swore to give your ancestors, as many as the days that the heavens are above the earth.”  Awesome responsibility!

Can we really dress the way we want to dress?  Absolutely!  Our days are filled with choices we make on our own.    Just keep in mind that I Corinthians 8:9 says “Be careful, however, that the exercise of your rights does not become a stumbling block to the weak.”  Let’s take it one step further – is what you are wearing showing the light of God within you, or is it showing so much skin that your witness can’t be heard because ears are easily distracted by eyes?

Do I care what you wear?  Not at all.  I am another woman and not distracted by your clothes.  Can a guy be distracted by what you are wearing?  Absolutely!   Are there things you could, or should, change?

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