Tuesday, February 14, 2012

What is Love ? This is My Husband's Answer

I have been married for 40 years and 9 months.  That is important to know because when I had been married 25 years and 8 months my husband wrote me a letter and told me about his love for me.  Love comes from God – which I am sure you know.  The vow we took on our wedding day was before God.  We knew God had brought us together and now, more than 40 years later, we constantly see God in our lives.  Please enjoy reading this love letter from husband to wife.  I hope my girls see how much their Father and Mother love them.  They are part of the love we had for each other. 

Julie
As I looked back over the last 25 years 8 month I realized that there are some things that I believed from that first time I took you for a ride in my car.
I believed from the time that I dropped you off at home that first night that my plans were being changed by something far greater than me.  In my plans marriage, or even thoughts of it, were at least 5 years into the future.
At that time I was not walking with the God that I had been exposed to and taught about for my entire life, yet that very God prompted me to ask you, after I had known you for only two weeks, to be my wife.  I had barely had enough time to learn your full name and I was preparing to ask you to spend the rest of your life with me.  When I was trying to make sense of what I was hearing, it was more than I could ever imagine.  I certainly wouldn’t want to spend the rest of my life with someone like me so how could I expect you to do it.  I asked in spite of my doubts because I was told to.
To my surprise, and I imagine to yours also, you said yes, and the rest, as they say, is history.
Another thing that I had always thought to be a lot of hooie was the idea of love at first sight.  God has shown me that there is such a thing.  It is not between a man and a woman where, at best, these may be interest at first sight.  The love between a man and a woman is a process that takes an entire lifetime.  True love at first sight exists only with God because he knew us before we were formed in our mother’s womb and loved us enough to sacrifice His Son for us.
The only other time that I am personally aware of love at first sight was when I first caught sight of my girls.  Yes, I know that they are our girls but at that moment they were my girls and the love at that first sight was mine.  You were having your own “love at first sight” experience. 
I just want you to know that this journey has been one that I wouldn’t have missed for anything.  I have a deeper love for you now than I could ever have imagined and I hope and pray that as we go through the next 25 years that as we grow closer to God, we will continue to grow closer in our love and commitment to each other.  You mean more to me than life itself and I love you!
If not for you, I wouldn’t be me.
Thank you!

I ask you, the reader, how could any wife not melt at the words in this letter, even more than 15 years after it was written?

Thursday, February 2, 2012

February 3, 1912 - 100 Years Ago My Daddy was Born

Daddy and Me
February 3, 2012 is a bitter-sweet day for me.  For the last year I have watched this date grow closer and closer.  My Father would have been 100 years old on February 3, 2012.  I wish I could say I have tons of wonderful memories but I really only have a few.  The most important memory that my Dad passed on to me is always buy a Ford.  I hope that makes you smile.  I drive a Ford and have for years.  My Mom believed my Dad had it right and she preferred a Ford over any other brand of car. 
My Father had two sisters that I remember. Esther Walker lived in Milford Michigan and I loved to visit her house. They owned Walker and Son’s Honey.  Their company was the first to have a bear with honey in it on the store shelves and they were the first to come out with whipped honey. They raised honey bees and my parents lived over the honeyhouse at one point, but that was before they had me.  They had moved back to Muskegon by the time I was born.  Every year my Aunt Esther would make a wreath of wrapped candy and send it to us along with honey and honeycomb and whipped honey.  I looked forward to the box every year.
One other dear memory was one my Mom talked about many times over her lifetime.  She talked about how we drove to Detroit where Dad’s sister, Henrietta Pepperman, lived.  (I love saying her name).  She had animals and I was allergic.  We tried to make it work but in the middle of the night, when my Dad thought I couldn’t breathe much longer if we stayed, he loaded the family in the car and drove back across the state.  By the time we got home I was doing really well with my breathing.  We never visited her house again. 
I know my Dad had a brother, Richard, but I don’t remember if we ever met.  Both of his parents passed away before my Mom met Dad.  I can’t believe it, but his mother’s name was Allie Boop.  No kidding!  I don’t remember his father’s name.
 I remember my Dad spent much of his time across the street from our house at the gas station.  He loved working on cars.  Other memories are quite vague.  I remember attending the Tulip Festival in Holland, Michigan with my Dad and Mom.  I remember traveling to a wedding from Dad’s side of the family.  It was in Ohio, but I don’t remember the city.  I remember that when one sister, Ranae, was sick, I got to sleep with my Dad.  He always let me put my feet between his legs to warm them up.  I always felt safe and secure with him.  He had blood vessels that bulged in his forearms.  I still can see his arms when I think of him.  I find that very attractive.  When I was working at Calico Cat there was a customer that came in a couple of times a year.  He shocked me every time I saw him because he looked exactly like my Dad when he died.  Exactly.  It was so startling that I couldn’t wait on him.  I would conceal myself so he couldn’t see me watching him.  By then Dad would have been in his late 70s or early 80s.  This man looked like my Dad when he was 49.
August 14, 1938
My very favorite memory was within just months of when he passed away.  I was 11 years old at the time and we had just moved into a new home on Seminole Road in Muskegon.  They purchased the home and we moved in during June of 1961.  He passed away in November 1961 so this took place between these months.
To give a little background, my bedroom was done in knotty pine.  It was a Cape Cod type room with sloped ceilings and storage behind the walls.  The window was one that, when opened, was a flat piece of glass.  The room was small but it was mine.  The only other room upstairs was unfinished but twice the size of my room.  I believe the idea was it would be finished and used as another bedroom.    Since we had just moved there, my friends all lived near our old house.  I was allowed to invite my best friend at that time, Dona Jarvi, to come and spend the night on a Friday night.  On Saturday morning we woke up but didn’t go downstairs very early.  At some point my Dad came up carrying a small basket.  He started picking up the sheets and blankets and looking underneath them.  I asked what he was doing and his reply was “with all of this cackling I thought there must be some fresh eggs laid up here.  I am preparing for breakfast of bacon and eggs.”  We giggled and giggled about my Dad when that happened. That is my very favorite memory.  Even when I think of it 50 years later, I still smile at this thought.  I really would have loved having more years with him.
While I have 11 years of memories, I have lived nearly 51 years without any new memories.  Dad brought home a used television when I was about 10.  It was our first TV.  He wasn’t alive to have color TV, computers, and other new technology.  The new Fords would delight him, I am sure.  He also wasn’t here to meet his son-in-law, Mike.  Remember, he had 5 daughters so a son-in-law would have been a blessing, but Mike loved working on cars so that would have been common ground for them.   My Dad wasn’t there to walk me down the aisle (my fabulous Uncle Milburn did that) and he wasn’t here to meet his granddaughters, Holly and Missy, or his great grandchildren.  I think they would have loved him and he would have adored them.  In one month we will celebrate another special day.  On March 5th my Dad’s namesake, his grandson, Max, will be three years old.  I wish they could have known each other.   You can’t go back and change your life, but sometimes you can’t help but wish you had more memories that include someone you still love 51 years later. 

Friday, January 6, 2012

Are you thankful?

When are you truly thankful?  What are you thankful for?  Is it a flat screen TV?  A new car?  A big house?  Or are you thankful for a roof over your head and a vehicle that takes you from point A to point B.  What kinds of things are truly promised to us by God?  What things are guaranteed to us by our state and our country?  When do needs become wants and a line is crossed where you are no longer content for what you have but discontent because you WANT something you don’t really need?
I can truly say I live a very contented life knowing that God watches out for me and has always provided for me.  I have a husband that God gave me and we lead a close life as a married couple.  For 40 years he has treated me like a princess.  He still opens the door for me when we go out to the car.  I love him more than life itself. 
I am thankful for two daughters and the differences between them.  Holly is the oldest and she was the most challenging of the two girls to raise.  She has a quick wit and has never had to study to get a good grade, just like her father.  She likes to write like I do.  Missy, however,  is more like me, contented with what she has and more than willing to wait and save for what she wants.  She loves crafts and making things herself.  I always say Missy can pinch a buffalo nickel and turn it into a quarter.  She is amazing.  Holly works very hard but always tells me “don’t work harder, work smarter” and she works that way every day.  Her computer knowledge is unbelievable and even my boss has been known to call her for help on a project.  When Missy started high school she went to the school office everyday from August until January asking the counselor to allow her to advance and graduate in two years instead of 3.  Her determination and confidence in herself is marvelous.  They finally got tired of her asking every day and let her excel on her own.  She finished all three years in two years.  She did 7th period optional, took classes in night school and summer school.  All of this, plus Missy played in the marching band.  Missy was always on the move.  How can I not be thankful for the two daughters God allowed us to raise?  They are exceptional adults, both of them, yet they are so different from each other.  I look at my own 4 sisters and see how different we are but there was never a closeness between us like with Missy and Holly.
Would I ever want more than I have?  I could say yes but it would really not be true.  Every time I have wanted more, even before I realized it myself, God has provided it.  Until about 5 years ago we only had a 19” television.  Mike entered a drawing and won  a 51 inch television.  It ended up being a $1500 gift certificate.  We bought a 32 inch TV, more than large enough for our home, a new microwave, a new dishwasher and several other items.  It actually took us 2 years to spend it all because we really didn’t NEED anything at the time we won the Gift Certificate.  Another time Mike won a cruise for us thru AAA.  We usually spent our vacations going to Michigan so going on a cruise, just the two of us, was a blessing we had never had a NEED for and really not a want so we were once again blessed before we had a desire.  One year later, at the same event, Mike won Gift Certificates from all of the restaurants in our area of Tampa, there were about 15 of them.  We like to eat out but never at expensive places.  We were blessed with opportunities to share the certificates with others and use a few ourselves.  Again, we were thankful for a blessing we didn’t even know we had a desire for. 
What is promised to us?  God says “I wish above all that you prosper and be in good health, even as your soul prospers.”  During the worst times of my life, I turned to finding more of God.  Those times were filled with blessing after blessing.  They have made me content with the things I have.  I drive an 12 year old car that takes me where I need to go.  I love purses but would never spend $3500 for one.  I could buy a car for that and it would have 4 wheels and a motor.  What one person thinks of as a need, another thinks of as a desire of their heart.  We are in such a sad economy but people can’t live without a cell phone or cable TV and the internet, can they? I work very hard and am so happy I have a job and I enjoy the people that I work with.  What are the real needs in life?  Food, air (not air conditioning, although in Florida it truly feels like a need) clothing and a roof over our heads. 

In today's age and mentality, people are willing to just sit and wait for the government to provide.  The government is not our provider, God is.  Yes, I believe that you need to give to Caesar what is due Caesar and I believe that if you lose your job you should get unemployment.  These are umbrella's.  They are not meant to be your primary source of income.  God wants us to contribute to others and He wants a relationship with us.  When we start thinking of the government as our primary provider - we stop depending on God. 
When you understand blessings and can be content with your life, it leaves you free to give and help others.  If you ever have some time, take out a piece of paper and look around you.  Write down all of the ITEMS God has blessed you with.  Once that is done, give God thanks.
“Therefore take no thought, saying, What shall we eat? or, What shall we drink? or, Wherewithal shall we be clothed? (For after all these things do the Gentiles seek:) for your heavenly Father knoweth that ye have need of all these things. But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.”
Matt 6:31-33

Thursday, December 29, 2011

WE ARE CALLED TO BE SELF FEEDING

A BOOK REVIEW OF THE DIVINE MENTOR
By Wayne Cordeiro

“Your words were found and I ate them;
and Your words became for me a joy and the delight of my heart;
for I have been called by Your name, O Lord God of hosts.”  Psalm 119:24

This verse in the book "The Divine Mentor"  was the most striking and hit my heart with major blows.  First of all I could see myself in the “I’m not being fed here” scenario.  When Mike and I were first married we went to my home church.  It was where I was baptized at the age of 9 and had remained a member and where we were married.  Mike gave up his home church because staying at my church meant so much to me.  After we had our first child I began attending a Bible study with women from another church.  It is the Bible study I would most like to recreate today, if I had the chance.  This Bible Study was where God first opened my eyes to His word.  I had read scripture before, of course, and knew all of the stories that had been taught to me through the years.  I knew them but they really didn’t know me! The first study I was in with this group was a “Neighborhood Bible Studies” series book called Four Men of God.  It took us through Adam, Abraham, Joseph and David.  There is no doubt that this time was the turning point in my life.  I ate up God’s word.  I could hardly wait until we met again because I was learning so much from our time together each week.  Most of the other women all attended the same church – Jesus Fellowship – that met in the Holiday Inn.  Before long I was being fed so much in that Bible Study that I was overflowing.  My desire was to teach others and I had the feeling I was no longer being fed in my church.  What are we to do when this happens?

As The Divine Mentor is showing us in it’s chapters, the church isn’t to be our prime feeding source.  We are told to not forsake gathering together as a body but I believe the church is to be the place where people hear the “milk” messages that lead them to a greater desire for the “meat” messages that are in God’s word.  We want others to do what only we can do.  Make us grow!

Psalm 32: 8-9 “I will instruct you and teach you in the way which you should go; I will counsel you with My eye upon you.  Do not be as the horse or as the mule which has no understanding, whose trappings include bit and bridle to hold them in check, otherwise they will not come near you”

95% of what we do – anyone can do.  Only 5% of what we so is something no one else can be responsible for
·         Only I can be a husband/wife to my spouse
·         Only I can be a father/mother to my children
·         Only I can grow myself spiritually
·         Only I can keep myself healthy
·         Only I can keep myself disciplined
God sends the Holy Spirit who will guide us into all truth because truth needs a guide.
John 14: 16-17 says “I will ask the Father and He will give you another Helper, and He may be with you forever; that is the Spirit of truth” then John 16:13 says ”But when I, the Spirit of truth comes, He will guide you in all the truth”
We gain all-important wisdom only as The Divine Mentor instructs us through a living interaction with and understanding of God’s word.  Our need for such a guide becomes increasingly vital as we get closer and closer to the end of history when spiritual deception will become most rampant.  Paul warned of false prophets.  He cautioned that many people living in those days will have a strong tendency to be “always learning and never able to come to the knowledge of the truth” (II Tim 3:7).  We should always be careful in how WE lead others as well.  Not being foolish in our speaking to others about scriptures or mislead by what we read in secular books or novels.  What you may read and have no problem seeing as fiction, may cause someone else to question or to be lead away from God’s true word.  This is why we need the Holy Spirit to be our guide.  He acts as our coach – just as an athlete needs a coach, we need a coach.  Athletes know that they cannot become and remain the best at what they do until they understand and apply the crucial essential of becoming coachable. 
Good Lessons and Bad Lessons
The Bible is filled with good and bad mentor /coaches.  We can learn from both of them.   Proverbs 24:30-32 says “I passed by the field of the sluggard and by the vineyard of the man lacking sense and behold, it was completely overgrown with thistles; it’s surface was covered with nettles, and it’s stone wall was broken down.  When I saw, I reflected upon it; I looked and received instruction.”
Our biblical mentors are caretakers who steward your inheritance until you come of age.  They teach, advise, tutor, mentor, coach until we receive the fullness of what God intends for us.  This is our divine inheritance.  What kind of inheritance do you seek and how soon do you want it?  The influences in our lives reflect how soon we want to receive our inheritance.   Proverbs 13:20 says “He who walks with wise men will be wise but the companion of fools will suffer harm” Our mentor, the word, says we become like the people we hang around with.  Wisdom is contagious.  It’s something you catch more than something you comprehend.  Physical death of our biblical mentors did not terminate their lives.  God gave them eternal assignment to tutor future generations of His children. 
A friend gave a cross necklace to his son and fiance at their rehersal dinner.  He explained that there were two words that lead them to the rehearsal dinner where he presented his gift.  His son had said the two words “Will you” and the fiance answered with two words “I Will”.  What he had inscribed on the back of the cross necklaces were two words “I Choose.”  In this case it was making the choice, daily, to be a husband and wife.  This father was a wise man.   
We make a choice daily on how our relationship with God will be that day.  Will we spend time with him and learn from the mentors he has provided in His word?  Daily we choose if we will become wiser.  Will we discipline ourselves to close out all else or will we go on with life as usual?  Each of us has to make our own choice.  What do YOU CHOOSE?
Is making the right choice today enough?  No, it is a daily choice we need to make.  Look at King Solomon.  He was considered one of the wisest men ever yet when he forgot where his wisdom came from and he began to think of himself as more than he really was, he became foolish.  How can we avoid this pitfall?  Stay DAILY in the word.  Talk to God.  Build the relationship He desires to have with you.  “The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom” (Prov 9:10, Psalm 111:10) and Proverbs 1:7 goes on to say “fools despise wisdom and instruction.”
There are many jobs, vocations, hobbies and talents that take daily practice.  Can you think of a few?  How about athletes, musician’s, physician’s?  Even a physician must have a mentor / coach to continue his learning process.  When I thought about this I was amazed.  I think of athletes and musicians as having coaches or lessons or practice that keeps them at peak performance but other jobs require this as well. Not just physician’s because I am a secretary but if I stopped typing or using the computer I would loose my skills.  I would slow down in my typing skills, wouldn’t I?  New programs would come out but I wouldn't want to learn how to use them.  I need my mentors on my job just like everyone else.  I need to be teachable.   I remember when we got our first computer and I thought it would be just the thing for my Mom to use to write letters to her brothers.  She had said writing letters was a slow process for her anymore and she didn’t enjoy it.  She had been an accountant so she used a typewriter daily.  I thought this would be a piece of cake yet her response to me was “I am 77 years old and I don’t have to learn anything I don’t want to anymore!”  This was in stark contrast to the woman who got her college degree at age 47 and her high school diploma at 67. 
Think of all you have just heard.  How many mentors from God’s word are you really familiar with on an intimate level?  Do you try to read the Bible daily?  Do you journal what you read?  Perhaps you are content to read without really getting intimate with God daily?  I submit that until you can find someone that you will be accountable to on a consistent basis you may not be the self feeder you could become.  Are you afraid to begin on your own?  Find a Bible Study of others that really want to learn.  Make a commitment to never miss a meeting – be accountable!
The new year of 2012 will begin in just a few hours.  What kind of New Year resolution can you make that would be more fruitful in your life than having daily time with God?  Spend time reading his word, journal things that you come across, pray for others and perhaps even keep a log of your prayers so you can see how God is working.  As I have said before, my experience builds my faith which becomes my testimony!

Wednesday, December 21, 2011

What is it like to be married to Santa Claus?

Almost 40 years ago Mike, my incredible husband, was asked to be Santa for a friends daughter.  He loved it. He loves children and our family knows there is a “three foot rule” when Dad is around.  If he sees someone under 3 feet tall, he must stop and talk to them.  Mike teaches Special Ed and his favorite class is the one with the severely handicapped children.  He LOOKS for ways to help them learn.  That is probably why he is a great Santa. 
At church
Jump ahead to just a few years ago when Mike's beard came in gray and he really began to look like Santa.  He begins growing his beard in late August, early September.  One year he was helping out after church in November and there was a little boy and his sister playing in front of the table where Mike was standing.  The little girl had spoken to Mike several times.  I brought a Santa Hat over and put it on his head and the little girl stopped, her mouth dropped open and she said “I want to be a Princess”  She no longer saw the guy that was talking to her about the book she was playing with, she saw Santa.  Another time he was just talking to one of the kids outside of church and a line formed to talk to “Santa”  He doesn’t wear a Santa Suit to church, nor does he wear a Santa hat.  In fact, Mike is usually known as the guy in the flag shirt because about 90% of the time he has on a flag shirt.  I must say, my heart melts a little each time I see a child stop and see Santa in Mike. 
Our oldest grandson, Holden, age 14, has always called Mike “Bumpa”.  Now that he is older he shortens it frequently to Bump.  We now have a 2 ½ year old grandson, Max.  His name for Mike is “Ho Ho.”  I have to tell you, shortening that is not a good idea!  Holden says, “Hey Bump.” Just think about what Max will say. He is so cute when he runs his fingers through Mike’s beard and says “Ho Ho” 
And a line forms
One of the groups Mike works with is called “YES”  It is a charity that works with special needs children that was begun by a woman who is blind herself.   The first year he was Santa for YES he was amazed at the items the “children” asked Santa to bring them.  One “child” is over 50 years old and wanted a friendship bracelet.  She had never had a friend give one to her and it was what she wanted most.  One “boy” came to see Mike three times and brought him a list with each visit.  He was higher functioning and he wrote out his list.  Still, the list contained things you would never see on your child or grandchild’s list.  He wanted new sheets, toothbrush, underwear – only necessities of life – nothing frivolous – not even a toy.  Items you and I would just buy as we need them, certainly not ask Santa for them.
Last year my sister invited Mike and I to a concert of Transiberian Orchestra.  They got their start in Tampa so their concert is doubly exciting.  We first went to dinner at Outback.  When you sit in their booth, the windows are just about shoulder level.  Mike was sitting next to the window.  Outside there were bushes under the window.  We had finished our meals but were enjoying coffee before we went to the Forum for the concert.  All of a sudden this boy climbed over the bushes,  pressed his face against the glass and yelled “SANTA!”
Bumpa/Ho Ho with
Max and Holden 2010
Recently we attended a party that included his high school students from last year.  There was another guy there playing Santa and Mike was in regular clothes.  Several of the students came over and said “Mr. Mike, there is a guy here playing you!”   These kids are 14-21 and in their minds, there is no question that Mr. Mike IS Santa.   His students all know that Santa does other things all year long and he won’t talk to them as Santa from January until October.  On October 1 the kids all begin writing letters to Santa and asking about the reindeer and elves. 
I have never dressed as Mrs. Claus.  I have a red cape my daughter bought for me, and I do have gray hair.  It wouldn’t take much.  Perhaps I should join him.  No – this is his time of the year, I am not going to spoil it for him. 
Gosh I love this time of year.  Don’t you?

Sunday, December 18, 2011

Mom - the rest of the story

Berneice Juanita Hanks Ferguson was born on May 14, 1917 and went home to be with the one who created her on December 19, 2008.  Just in time to celebrate Jesus’ birthday with Jesus!  She was born to John Earl and Flossie Mae Hanks as their second child.  She was the first daughter out of 11 children, however, the girls were the “runts” of the litter, so to speak.  Her sisters died at age 2, 7 and the youngest of all the children, her beloved sister, Jane, died at 24. 
Because the girls were not the healthiest, the boys took very good care of their sister.  By the time Berneice entered high school she was the only living sister and the boys would walk in front of her to block the wind from getting to her when it was cold and windy. 

When she was 16 years old she became too ill to return to school so, with only having completed 2 weeks in the 10th grade, she was forced to drop out of school.  Shortly after she dropped out of school she entered Simpson Memorial, a 10 bed hospital with a 5 bed men’s ward and a 5 bed women’s ward, which is now one of the oldest buildings on the University of Michigan campus in Ann Arbor.  Simpson Memorial was a “teaching hospital” so one day the doctor at Simpson called her doctor in Muskegon and said he didn’t feel she was going to live and they had a doctor who needed training in removing a spleen.  The doctor in Muskegon had just read about a newly identified disease called pernicious anemia and thought many of the symptoms were the same.  Problem was, it was usually found only in the elderly.  The doctor in Muskegon would not allow for the removal of the spleen and asked for them to begin feeding her cakes of “brewers yeast” many times a day.  In the end, it proved she was one of the youngest identified with the disease.  Berneice spent a year and a half in the hospital and had to learn to walk again, that is how sick she was.  Returning home still meant a monthly trip back and forth to Simpson Memorial for a liver shot that helped her to recover.  Her parents had to rely on the help of someone else for transportation to the hospital approximately 6 hours away. There weren’t highways or even good roads at that time and it was during the depression where there was gas rationing however, one man came to the help of her parents, he was the father of Jimmie Bakker, who later founded the PTL network.  Many times Berneice talked about animal testing for drugs and medical research.  She felt it was very necessary.  Simpson Memorial Institute is still on the campus of U of M.

Unable to return to school due to her age, she began work at the button factory where she met Max Ferguson.  For months he followed her around asked her every day to marry him.  Finally her Mother told her to marry him so she could get rid of him occasionally.  She finally married him on August 14.  They had 5 healthy daughters within the next 20+ years.  The last was born 8 months after the death of Max.  Her faith is what carried her through the tough times of being a widow.  Her girls were ages 19, 11, 9, 1 and she was pregnant plus 44 years old herself when she lost her husband.  She said she knew social security wouldn’t be enough to raise her girls so she came up with a plan. She took all of the insurance money she received, which wasn’t much, and went to the Muskegon Business College to ask what she could do to go to college.  She took the GED test and used all the insurance she had received to pay for the first term of college and purchase her books.  Berneice said she had faith that God would provide the education she needed. Provide HE did!  The same disease that sidelined her from school at 16 years old was the catalyst that gave her the much needed education.  This incurable blood disease allowed her to go to school and paid for her books.  She completed her education in her late 40’s and received a “junior accounting” degree – with honors.  She then became a payroll accountant at Brenneman Curtain Roll Company where they made roller shades.  She worked there and raised her daughters.  She was tireless!  She went to tons of events – PTA meetings, parent teacher conferences, hauled the girls to after school activities, cooked, cleaned, washed hundreds of loads of laundry and made many of the clothes the girls wore.  All the while she maintained a home that put God first.  In the spring of 1968 she fulfilled a dream and she built a new home on the property that she and Max had purchased so many years before.  It was right next to her parents’ home. So the four daughters still at home moved the long distance of one block to live next to their grandparents’ home.  When you hear the scripture “Honor your Father and Mother that your days may be long upon the earth” think of Berneice.  She spent years caring for them and them for her.  God granted her 91 years on earth and her daughter would tell you it was because of God’s promise. 


May 1983




The story of school is not over for Berneice.  After she retired from her company, she felt she lacked one important thing, a real high school diploma.  So Berneice went back to night school and received her high school diploma on May 11, 1983, after having a college degree for 20 years.

Christmas 1960
Holidays were a treasure as the girls grew up.  It never began very early because they had to wait for Grandma and Grandpa to arrive.  They would open gifts one at a time.  They would have breakfast and then Grandma and Grandpa went home to begin preparing the family feast for later in the day.  In just a few hours all of Berneice’s brothers and their families would descend upon the house.  The 7 brothers and Berneice produced 54 grandchildren and Christmas and Easter were the days everyone went to Grandma’s and Grandpa’s house.  It was a memorable occasion of card games and Pick up Sticks.  In the summer there was the Hanks/Garvey family reunion on the last Sunday in July.    
This is a huge reunion that still goes on every year.

There was a fun side to Berneice.  In 1967 she volunteered to take the Future Homemakers of America Club to Washington, DC.  She and the girls stayed in a mansion in McLean Virginia owned by the brother of Julie’s home economics teacher.  They lived about 2 miles from Robert Kennedy’s home.  One day they all went to the Kennedy home to gawk.  You used to see pictures of Jackie Kennedy riding horses and jumping fences.  This was the home where the pictures were taken.  Berneice suggested that they should walk up to the door. The worst that could happen is someone telling them to stop.  She was right.  They only got about 10 feet past the gate before there were people flooding out of the house to say they were trespassing.  Berneice really just wanted to get a close up look at the door. The Kennedy’s had a large white house with black shutters and a very red front door.  A year later when she built her little ranch style house, it was a white house with black shutters and as long as she lived there, it had a very red front door.  The next year Bobby Kennedy was assassinated.

Another favorite story happened the day after the graduation open house for her youngest daughter Lisa’s graduation from high school.  Berneice suggested inviting some friends to have a picnic with the leftovers from the party.  So on Sunday they all went to the park.  There were 4 children under the age of 5 and they loved playing on the playground.  The kids really wanted to use the monkey bars.  After watching them try, she decided she would teach them.  She climbed up, hung there, swung to the first rung, then the second rung and then oops, the third rung slipped out of her hands and down she went and hurt her ankle.  When the doctor in the emergency room came in to see her he said “ Berneice, what happened?”  Her answer was “none of your business”.  He said “I need to know how this happened so I can help fix it.”  She wasn’t about to budge.  She said “ I don’t have to tell you anything – just fix it”  Berneice got her “feisty” side from her Mother although it was her father who was still able to walk on stilts at age 70. 

Berneice encouraged her girls to be whatever they wanted.  She was a great person who loved math and encouraged her girls to be good at math.  On trips she would take notebook paper, turn it sideways so the lines were vertical and then fill the space between the lines with numbers and have the girls add the numbers out loud in the car.  The girls never counted license plates or cows or horses on trips – they added!  Out loud, they added.  They were encouraged to play musical instruments, if they would like.  Julie was asked when she was in kindergarten if she would like to learn to play the piano or the accordion.  The music teacher lived about 5 houses down the street.  She chose the accordion because she didn’t know how she could carry the piano down the street.  Eventually she took up the clarinet because it was lighter than either of the other two.

A few years ago Berneice began showing signs of dementia.  When your parent begins to forget things you can get frustrated and make them frustrated, or you can view it as entertainment.  To Mike and Julie it was entertainment.  When Berneice began to realize she was having a problem she expressed her concern.  Julie explained it this way to her – when you are up in years you have a lot of “stuff” crammed in your brain – eventually some of it is bound to leak out of your ears.  Since the old stuff is on the bottom, the new stuff leaks out.  It was a good analogy for her and one she could understand.  But entertaining it was – One day she came out to the kitchen and announced that Matlock had retired.  Julie asked why she felt a TV character had retired.  She said he wasn’t on her TV at the times he used to be.  Julie said he is on at 5 a.m. when she woke up early.  She replied, to her delight “That’s it, he is working third shift” Berneice loved Andy Griffith and enjoyed both of his shows- Matlock and The Andy Griffith Show.  The family got her lots of DVDs of The Andy Griffith show.  Holly would go in and start a 3 episode DVD for her Grandma.  She would set it to repeat.  That meant that there were 6 times you would hear the whistling theme song each time the DVD repeated.  Have you ever wondered how many times you can hear the whistling theme song before you want to pull your hair out?  Ask Mike, Julie or Holly and they can tell you.  

Berneice, Joan and Lawrence
on her last trip to Michigan
Each year she would travel home to her beloved Michigan to see her brothers and to have Red Haven peaches.  While she was gone, Mike had to take up the slack of some of the things Berneice did nightly.  She was a fan of Diagnosis Murder and each night she would come into the family room at 9:00 and announce that Diagnosis Murder is on channel 17.  So for the time she would be back in Michigan, Mike would announce every night at 9:00 and that Diagnosis Murder was on channel 17.  He was always such a help.

There were many things Berneice loved and many of them were fruits from Michigan.  Strawberries, Peaches, Raspberries, Pears and Apples.  She raised her children with home canned fruits.  They all learned to can food, even if they didn’t want to.  They loved to eat the home canned fruit, though.  Every time she purchased apples in Florida there were prerequisites that had to be followed in bringing them home from the store.  First of all, nobody touched her apples but her and they must state they were Michigan apples.  Every cashier received a proper education in handling apples!  She never allowed the cashier to put them on the scale, she did it herself and then gently put them back in the cart.  If an apple rolled off the counter at home, it must be eaten immediately before it bruised.

Berneice enjoyed babysitting after she moved to Florida.  She helped rear the children of two families the Pickles and the Freemans.  Five children that didn’t have a grandma in Florida.  The children called her Grandma Neice, a name her Grandson, Holden, still calls her.  Holden and Grandma Neice would sit together in her chair or out in the family room and read books and newspapers together.

One of Julie’s friends said that her Mom use to say it was best to find a parking space where you could just pull through so you were headed out front-wise when you were ready to leave the space.  It saved gas to not have to back out then pull forward.  Well Berneice used all the gas that was saved by her friends Mother.  Berneice couldn’t park more than 4 spaces from the door so she would circle and circle around the parking lot until she found a space close to the door.


One of only 2 pictures
of all 5 girls - 1983

One thing for sure, she loved her girls.  Each one was unique and different from the others. 

Sandy was adventurous and moved away from Michigan before she was 20.  Berneice got to visit Alaska because her daughter lived there. Sandy had 1 daughter, Cherie Lisa and one son, Lee (Leepie), who died when he was 2 ½ years old.  Cherie Lisa had 4 children and is now a grandmother herself making Berneice a great-great-grandmother.

Julie was glue.  She always held her Mother and the girls together.  Berneice lived with Mike and Julie for many years in Florida.  They also lived next door to her in Michigan.  While Berneice didn’t give birth to Mike, you could have no doubt that she was his Mom.  He took such loving care of her right from the minute he married Berneice’s daughter.  Julie and Mike have 2 daughters, Holly and Melissa.  Missy has two sons, Holden, and Max who was born 3 months after she passed away and         named after Missy's grandfather.
Ranae was the quieter one.  Ranae and her husband Gary still live in Michigan where she has one son, Greg, and one daughter, D’Ann.  Ranae is grandmother to one grandson, Steven.

Jane is the feisty one.  She is very competent and a type A personality.  She is very outgoing and tells it like it is.  She and Ron have one daughter, Alex.  (Since this was originally written, Jane’s beloved husband, Ron, passed away)  Jane was ill the year she had Alex and her Mom was there for weeks helping out and staying with their family. Loving every minute of it.

Mary Lisa is the youngest of the family and works very hard.  She loves flowers and frogs.  Lisa has one son, Andy, and is grandmother to one grandson, Alexander.  When Andy was born, Mom helped out any and every chance she could.  Berneice loved to give her grandbabies their first bath and Andy was the youngest of her grandchildren.  The last grandchild to be given the Grandma bath. 

There are many things she tried to instill in her daughters and the big one was a love of the Lord.  Her parents were charter members of Wayside Chapel, the same church where she raised her girls.  Wayside Chapel became Wayside Baptist and then was renamed Mona Shores Baptist, the church she still attended whenever she made her trips to Muskegon. While she loved the church she raised her children in, she also loved the contemporary church she attended here in Tampa.  Her favorite music was the old hymns but she loved to clap along and smiled at the music at Grace, which is much different from the old hymns.  The music she is enjoying now must be the best! There is probably a group of angels singing a cross between “The Old Rugged Cross”, “Stomp” and “Praise Party”.  By far, the most important part of her life was church, the music didn’t matter, the message was what mattered.  She loved to go to church and had a rule with her girls; if you are too sick to go to church, you are too sick to go anywhere else.  She believed in the scriptures and the comfort and direction they provide. She loved spending time on her knees and prayed for strength to take her through the teen years of five daughters.  Obviously she survived the years with God’s help. 

A few days before she passed away there was a question as why God didn’t take Berneice home sooner.  Mike said they must be putting up a little more crown molding on her mansion. He was right. 

Berneice loved the scripture from Psalm 23 and the words in The Message version capture her trust in God.
Psalm 23 (The Message)
 1-3 God, my shepherd! I don't need a thing.
   You have bedded me down in lush meadows,
      you find me quiet pools to drink from.
   True to your word,
      you let me catch my breath
      and send me in the right direction.

 
4 Even when the way goes through
      Death Valley,
   I'm not afraid
      when you walk at my side.
   Your trusty shepherd's crook
      makes me feel secure.

 
5 You serve me a six-course dinner
      right in front of my enemies.
   You revive my drooping head;
      my cup brims with blessing
.

 
6 Your beauty and love chase after me
      every day of my life.
   I'm back home in the house of God
      for the rest of my life.

Well, the mansion was made ready and Berneice is now enjoying walking on streets of gold without her walker or wheelchair.  She knows the names of her children, grandchildren, great grandchildren and great-great grandchildren.  She is now with her Husband, Mom, Dad, sisters, brothers and friends she has known throughout her life and had gone home before her. She remembers them and they are having a huge reunion.  She always loved the Hanks/Garvey reunion. The feast includes her Aunt Margaret’s baked beans and all the Michigan Red Haven Peaches, Strawberries, Raspberries, Pears, concord grapes, watermelon and musk melon she can eat.  After all, God serves only the best at His table.

Saturday, December 17, 2011

Mom was a Funny Lady!

Mom and Holden enjoying
the newspaper together
One of the funny stories about my Mom, one that shows her sense of humor took place the weekend Donald Trump separated from Ivana – before he married Marla Maples. 
When I got home from church that Sunday Mom took me aside and said we needed to go to the grocery store.  She wanted it to be just the two of us.  When we got there she went right to the check out lanes and started looking through the tabloids.  The Tampa Tribune had an article in it that day that said all of the tabloids had the Donald Trump separation on the front page except one.  They told what was on the front of that paper and that was all Mom needed.  She had to purchase that tabloid for Mike.  What was the story in that tabloid?  It was how to perform your own hair transplant using the hair in your arm pit, complete with pictures.  Mom was so excited to bring that tabloid home to Mike and gave it to him with a straight face.  Straight face for about 15 seconds and then they both cracked up with laughter!  My Mother had a great sense of humor.